I Might Be a Terrible Person

Things are looking up around here! We have orders up to DC. I’ve started applying for jobs up there and with all my connections and education, I’m sure I’ll find something (eventually). Having a job should make it easier to *finally* get picked up by the Navy Reserve. I’m already in touch with a recruiter up there who is way more on top of stuff than my recruiter down here (who forgot to inform me about the upcoming board until it was too late for me to put in for it). It finally seems like stuff will work out and I can start preparing my happy dance!

But Chris came home from work the other day and announced that he had a new plan since STA-21 is apparently continuing on its path of only taking one person for his community each year. He’s going to finish up his degree — which won’t take very long since he’s only a class or two short — and put in for OCS instead.

This shouldn’t bother me at all. He’s been talking about commissioning for two years now, and I’ve always accepted that he will be an officer someday since I have no doubt that he will be picked up. It’s probably petty of me — ok, it’s definitely petty of me — but I guess this bothers me because OCS was my thing. My thing that I never finished, but he will. It’s frustrating to be reminded of all the ways I’ve effectively sabotaged my career before it even started while his has been happily and steadily progressing for the past two years. And it’s all the more frustrating because he’s doing things that I wanted to do. Things that I was SUPPOSED to do.

I wish that our goals weren’t quite so similar, so it wouldn’t sting quite as much when he achieves something and I’m still just at home baking cookies for him to take to work. Not that I blame him for any of this. He didn’t ask me to drop from OCS and of course his career is going to move forward in 2.5 years — he works hard and he deserves it. I’m proud of him for that and for all the things he’s trying to accomplish.

OCS Graduation (via OTCN website)

But I’m fairly certain that if I’m still only a civilian when I have to go to Newport to watch him commission, I will probably be bawling the whole time.

Does that make me a terrible person?

Thought of the Day and Book Recommendations

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately about my life and my ambitions and my abilities and eventually I’ll probably blog about my conclusions but for now it’s still too swirly in my head to put into coherent thoughts.

So instead, I’ll leave this quote from Rye Barcott’s “It Happened on the Way to War,” which I strongly recommend, especially if you enjoyed Nate Fick’s “One Bullet Away” and/or Eric Greitens’ “The Heart and the Fist.” And if you haven’t read any of them, then I suggest you check them all out. If someone asked me to list off the top 5 books that impacted my life, those 3 would probably all make it on there. But if you’re only going to pick one — this is a hard choice, but Barcott’s book is probably my favorite (which may have something to do with the summer I spent in Kenya).

But I’m getting off topic now.

The quote: “It’s good to help when you can.”

Thoughts on the quote? What books would you put on a list of most influential in your life? Or do you have a favorite quote that really just makes you think?

Wordless Wednesday