Things are looking up around here! We have orders up to DC. I’ve started applying for jobs up there and with all my connections and education, I’m sure I’ll find something (eventually). Having a job should make it easier to *finally* get picked up by the Navy Reserve. I’m already in touch with a recruiter up there who is way more on top of stuff than my recruiter down here (who forgot to inform me about the upcoming board until it was too late for me to put in for it). It finally seems like stuff will work out and I can start preparing my happy dance!
But Chris came home from work the other day and announced that he had a new plan since STA-21 is apparently continuing on its path of only taking one person for his community each year. He’s going to finish up his degree — which won’t take very long since he’s only a class or two short — and put in for OCS instead.
This shouldn’t bother me at all. He’s been talking about commissioning for two years now, and I’ve always accepted that he will be an officer someday since I have no doubt that he will be picked up. It’s probably petty of me — ok, it’s definitely petty of me — but I guess this bothers me because OCS was my thing. My thing that I never finished, but he will. It’s frustrating to be reminded of all the ways I’ve effectively sabotaged my career before it even started while his has been happily and steadily progressing for the past two years. And it’s all the more frustrating because he’s doing things that I wanted to do. Things that I was SUPPOSED to do.
I wish that our goals weren’t quite so similar, so it wouldn’t sting quite as much when he achieves something and I’m still just at home baking cookies for him to take to work. Not that I blame him for any of this. He didn’t ask me to drop from OCS and of course his career is going to move forward in 2.5 years — he works hard and he deserves it. I’m proud of him for that and for all the things he’s trying to accomplish.
But I’m fairly certain that if I’m still only a civilian when I have to go to Newport to watch him commission, I will probably be bawling the whole time.
Does that make me a terrible person?